The Art of Oral Pleasure

The art of oral pleasure goes far beyond the three tips, tricks and techniques. They can be useful, sure, and definitely fun to learn and try. But tips and tricks are just that – and employing them without any true emotion leaves a woman feeling like a whore (and not in a good way) or a drone/robot, and a man feeling empty - literally and figuratively, if you've brought the blowjob to its usual conclusion. So the first rule of blowjobs is never do anything you don't really want to do. The second rule of blowjobs is... never do anything you don't want to do. The third and only other rule of blowjobs? It's all about the pleasure – his and yours. Everything else is frosting on the cake. So here comes the frosting.

She Likes It, She Really Likes It!

This is the single most important part of the blowjob. The pleasure you take in giving it. When a man is in this position, he is at his most vulnerable. He is open and exposed to you. (Remember, your vagina doesn't have teeth!) For me, this amount of trust is breathtaking and beyond arousing. I always take it as the profound and delightful gift it is.

Cleanliness is Next to...

Many women hesitate to perform fellatio because of the smell or taste. Personally, I love that particularly masculine scent, but if it turns you off, don't worry, warm water and a washcloth are a great way to start a blowjob, and the rough cloth and some gentle rubbing and squeezing will go a long way toward getting him hard. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just make it part of foreplay.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Tease. Spend time. Don't just start out like a Hoover on overdrive. Tickle his thighs with your fingernails. Kiss his chest and belly. Lick the inside of his thighs. Nibble and suck on his balls. (Careful! Some guys are too sensitive here for this.) Avoid the cock for a while. Then play with the shaft (which is much less sensitive than the head) before moving on to the top.

Breast Obsessed

You've got them – don't forget to use them! Their size and shape don't matter – rub them over his chest and belly on your way down to the promised land. Drag them over his cock. Press his cock between them for a moment and try to reach it with your tongue. Slap your nipples with the head. Rub pre-cum over them. (You can rub the final cum over them, too, but we'll talk about that later!)

Pant Rant

Follow his breath, not your own. I admit, sucking cock turns me on. Sometimes it gets me more aroused than even he is at the moment! (Hey, I'm an excitable girl, what can I say?) So a good rule of thumb is to follow his breath. Match your rhythm, whether mouth or hand, with how fast he's breathing, speeding up as he does, and you'll pretty much be on target.

Equipment Tips

The cock is basic: head, shaft, testicles. The shaft has the least amount of nerve endings amongst the three. The balls are very sensitive, but in a different way from the head. Think of the cock head as your clit. If he's uncircumcised, it's really quite similar, because his foreskin serves to protect the deliciously sensitive nub underneath. If he's circumcised, the most sensitive part of the cock is usually what's called the frenulum—that arrow-shaped V on the underside at the tip. But just like us girls, guys really like the build up, so remember to tease, follow his breath, and make him wait for it. Use his foreskin (if he still has it) to caress the cock head, up and down. Even if he's cut, there's usually still enough loose skin left on the shaft to bring it up and tease the head of the cock. Guys like that. It's what stroking is all about.

Sleek Technique

This is really the least important part of the blowjob. Tips and techniques are secondary, and they vary so much, depending on the man involved. I've known men who have balls so sensitive they can't have to stand them touched, let alone sucked and licked. On the other end of the spectrum, I've known men who get off on having them scratched, pulled and twisted. There are men who love blowjobs with no hands – they want all mouth. There are those who get off on the hand and mouth coordination. Some love to be sucked hard as a Hoover. Others like it light and slow, even at the end. And there's every part of the spectrum in between. The variations are endless. Truly, just endless. That said, here are some techniques you can try. It's all one grand, messy, delightful experiment, so get in there and enjoy!

Lube Tube

That's right, they do sell edible lube. Want to give him a real treat? Squirt some into your mouth before you take him in. But if you're not into lube, then you'll have to do it naturally. The good news is, once you have something in your mouth, your body associates it with food and you will start salivating. A lot. Just let it happen and use your spit. Some men like you to actually spit on their cock. Find out if he likes this. Do it. It can be really hot.

The Ice Cream Man

Yep, just what it sounds like. He's the delicious cone that's come to you on a hot, muggy day, and you're going to lick him until he's all gone spent! Pretend he's an ice cream cone and you're smoothing your tongue around the head, catching the drips down the cone shaft. Do this for a while and see what the reaction is. When he can't stand it anymore, move onto something else.

It's OK

Put your thumb and forefinger in that "OK" position, then use it to circle the base of his cock. This is your base position, from which all hand strokes come. You can close all your fingers around him at some point and give him the full squeeze, but always remember to go back to "OK."

Giving him the shaft

Just because it has the fewest nerve endings doesn't mean it should be ignored. Think of your inner and outer vaginal lips... they're nowhere near as sensitive as your clit, but it does feel good to have them licked and sucked. The same goes for the shaft. Spend some time there, licking, squeezing, rubbing. I like to press the head against his belly and rub the underside of the shaft with my palm – or my breasts. Use your imagination!

Chipmunk Cheeks

Turn your head a little when you're sucking him. This gives him a different sensation (the smooth wall of your cheek) and it also gives him the wonderful illusion that his cock is just too big for your mouth!

Humming

Just what it sounds like. Take him into your mouth and hummmmmmm. The sensation is incredible. Just remember to use one basic tone. Don't start humming Yankee Doodle Dandy, or it's bound to break the mood.

The Eyes Have It

I've rarely heard this one disputed. Men are visual. They want to see your adoring eyes looking up at them while their cock is buried in your mouth. They want to see the smile, the hunger, the greed in your eyes at every moment. It's a big turn-on and a reassurance that you are, in fact, connected and really enjoying what you're doing.

Dirty Flirty

If you have a problem talking dirty, practice. No, I'm not kidding. Do it when you're alone. Practice in the shower. Whisper if you think someone might hear you. But practice. Try out the words. Cock. Pussy. Feel them in your mouth. Say them often enough that they sound good to you. Say them often enough that they turn you on. Work up to the big ones like "cunt." (Some women never get there – but I'm all in favor of freeing the much maligned "cunt" from its verbal prison!) Then try the phrases. "Oh, god, I love your cock!" and "It's so big and beautiful, it makes my mouth water..." (might sound silly, but in the heat of the moment, trust me... it's a winner.) "I'm gonna suck you so hard, baby... do you want my mouth?" and slowly work up to the "That's right, I'm your greedy little cockwhore, baby, yes, fuck my mouth with that big cock!" Once you've got it down in the shower, try it out on him. The feedback will be quite rewarding... and will spur you on and overcome your inhibitions.

Don't Put Yourself on the Shelf

Your pleasure is important, too. Let him squeeze your breasts and nipples. Moan when he does. (Cuz you know you want to anyway!) Reach between your legs and tell him, "Sucking you makes me so hot, I have to play with my pussy!" Let him hear how wet you are. Let him taste how wet you are. Let him suck your fingers while you suck his cock. Rub your juices all over the head of his cock and lick it off. (Never tasted yourself? Try it! You're quite yummy!)

Extreme Sucking

Like extreme sports, this one isn't for everyone. But some guys simply love to be sucked as hard and long as you can. Think vacuum cleaner on overdrive. Hollow your cheeks and go for it! (But remember to ask him if he wants to try this, first, and stop when he tells you to!)

Ice Is Nice, Heat is Neat

Temperature change during a blowjob can be a lot of fun to play with. Slip an ice cube into your mouth while you're sucking him as a fun surprise. Or take a sip of hot tea before sucking him. Change it up between the two. The sensations are worth the time and effort!

Discuss the Perineum & the Anus

Some men love to have these areas touched. (Even licked... but that's a whole other article!) Talk about it beforehand, though, because some men are also reticent about this. Ask if you can try it, and do, if you're both open to it. The anus and perineum have lots of yummy nerve endings that can increase the intensity of orgasm, and men have a prostate gland to massage, as well. If you want to know more about this area, check out this article.

Deep-Throat: It's not Just for Politics Anymore

There are hundreds (literally) of articles on how to deep throat. If you want to try this technique, find one and practice. You can use a dildo. A carrot. A cucumber. Work on fighting your gag reflex. Sometimes it helps to practice before you take on an actual cock. But don't be scared, either. You don't have to do this if you don't want to (remember the first rule of blow jobs.) It's not the be-all and end-all of blowjob techniques. Remember that the most sensitive part of the cock is the head, not the shaft. Yes, it can feel good to have the head of the cock rubbing against the back of the throat and a thrill to watch it disappear into a mouth... but it isn't a necessity.

Gaggle of Gaggers

I wrote a whole essay on the art of gagging alone. Gagging and throat-fucking isn't for everyone. But if you want to try it, take a look at the how's and why's and experiment!

Variety is the Spice of Sex

Remember to change it up. One motion, over and over, is boring and repetitive and... boring. Did I say boring? And while that's true, and you should change it up, it's also best to introduce each of these techniques like you do recipes to your repertoire (that is to say: one at a time, slowly, and only re-introduce the "keepers" so they become part of your regular diet!)

There is only one exception to this rule: when his breath is coming fast, his hips are thrusting up, he's got his hands in your hair, and he's just about to come. (He may even groan and tell you – "Oh god, I'm gonna come!" - men often get into the habit of giving us a warning!) At this point, don't change what you're doing. Keep going and don't stop until you've got struck white gold.

Cum Yum

You have two choices: spit or swallow. There's lots of debate about this one, and articles all over the Internet (and elsewhere) about it. If he is intent on you swallowing, and you're afraid – try it. You can make it quick and relatively painless, even if you don't like the taste. Just block off your nose (you can do this at the back of your throat – without holding your nose - practice and see what I mean) and swallow. There will only be a slight aftertaste. But if he doesn't really care either way, and you really don't like the taste, spitting can be sexy, too. You don't have to make it about running to the bathroom and spitting it in the sink like you've got acid in your throat. Let him come in your mouth, then tip your head back and let it dribble out everywhere. Or spit it back out onto his belly and rub it all over your mouth and chin and breasts. If you really can't even stand to have his come in your mouth, then let him come on your breasts. I've stood up right at the last minute and aimed him between my legs and used those last few tugs to make him shoot all over my pussy.

That's it. Well, that's not really it. I'm sure there are a million things I missed. But it doesn't really matter. Because remember, the first rule of blowjobs is never do anything you don't really want to do. The second rule of blowjobs is... never do anything you don't want to do. The third and only other rule of blowjobs? It's all about the pleasure – his and yours. So what are you still doing here reading? Go! Enjoy the fruits of my labor. So many cocks, so little time.